The Tertiary Console Room: Doctor Who - Doctor Who And The Pirates

Episode One:
Before he can alert Red Jasper to Evelyn's presence on the Sea Eagle, the Doctor is knocked unconscious. The pirate then orders his men to burn the ship...

Episode Two:
As the Doctor tells Merryweather that you could almost say that he was the very model of a Gallifreyan buccaneer, Evelyn realises, much to her astonishment, that the Doctor is going to sing...

Episode Three:
As Red Jasper sings 'Hurrah For The Pirate King' once again, his men force the Doctor to walk the plank...

Episode Four:
As the new day dawns, Sally has a new song in her heart as she looks towards a brighter future...

Evelyn: 'Most of the time he can't operate it very well, but every now and then he surprises you. He has very bad taste in clothes but a lovely smile.'

Sally: 'Even if there was such a thing as a time machine, no one man could have met everyone and done everything!'

Evelyn: 'Fantasy and reality can get confused after a while.'

Swann: 'You cowards! You rotters! Better to die a loyal subject than succumb to the lawlessness of piracy!'

The Doctor: 'Let's just call me a mysterious stranger, one with a keen sense of justice and horror of unnecessary slaughter.'

Evelyn: 'Perhaps if you have just one person who cares, you're able to go on living.'

Red Jasper: 'Sticks and stones will break my bones but words with never hurt me! I mean, that's what'll happen to all of you who stand in the way of Red Jasper!'

Evelyn: 'Look, I'm a history lecturer, not an impressionist.'

The Doctor: 'Don't start singing, whatever you do.'

Red Jasper: 'Stop talking! And you, start talking!' The Doctor: 'Are you addressing me?' Red Jasper: 'Yes I am, you lily-livered, foul coated, spicy smelling scoundrel!'

Sally: 'I'm not particularly interested in pirates, and even if I was, look, you're doing the same voice for all the sailors and the dialogue is totally over the top and anachronistic. You're just rehashing a load of fictional pirate clichés, but for some reason you've stuck yourself in the middle of them with this Doctor, not that either of you have played any part in the story as yet. Actually, is there a story at all, because I'm not seeing one!'

Sally: 'Good never wins out in real life. Love never conquers all. There's no such thing as happily ever after.'

The Doctor: 'Hmmm. Not sure if that's canonical.'

The Doctor: 'Dare you challenge the might of evil Evelyn, scourge of the high seas, mistress of the dread sloop Lecturer's Revenge?'

Evelyn: 'I was wrong, I can't relive this, not with the songs and jokes and witty quotes, it's not right!'

Doctor Who and the Pirates is Jacqueline Rayner's second Doctor Who script, and the first since The Marian Conspiracy in 2000 which introduced Evelyn Smythe. It is the second story that Barnaby Edwards has directed, after the phenomenally successful The Chimes Of Midnight.

The cast is composed entirely of actors who are also trained singers, and features Bill Oddie, who is best known for his nature programmes and for featuring in the comedy series, The Goodies.